“I'm slipping into the depths of this grief. There's nothing I can do to fix it—nothing I can do that matters. The pain's beyond explanation."Mother estranged from daughter and 5 young granddaughters
This is exactly how it feels...thank you to Dr. Coleman for hearing, understanding, and so poignantly writing and sharing this essay; it is really a lifeline for me and those of us who feel so alone in this horrible loneliness. Working on radical acceptance-a bandaid on the hole in my heart that is always present. And gratitude for what I had-and what I have.
I have many friends that are also estranged but they seem to be moving forward with life. I thought there was something wrong with me cause I can't seem to move forward. I have not been out of the house in at least six months. Reading this at least lets me know I'm not alone not everyone can get past this. Thank you for posting this.
Yes pain IS unbearable, trying to learn to live with thought that I might never see my daughter again. In August but will be 6 years. She will be 23 in September. The last attempt to connect with her asking if I can watch her college graduation ceremony from "afar and without her interacting with me if she chose not to resulted in her responding that my presence there will be disrupt her celebration with her "family "[my ex and his girlfriend] and threat of "hiring an attorney" if I text her again. This is in context of my contacting her every 6 to 12 months with carefully scripted and short "checking in" texts. The odds are against me. She has mild Asperger's, gifted and is closely aligned with my ex who has worked tirelessly and cunningly to assure that image of me as an "abusive and borderline" mother is seared in my daughter's brain as a "punishment" for my asking him for a divorce. This was the price of my "freedom". I often wonder if I should have stayed with an angry and domineering man had I known what was in store for me. I should have stifled dread and despair of being "50-s wife" so I have the privilege of remaining a mom. May be this is the sacrifice needed to be made. I often , I'm sure like many of you, have urge to wail, roll on the ground or spread ashes on my head like ancient Spartan mothers whose sons have not returned. I was a good mom like all of you, sacrificed sleepless nights when she was ill, held her when she had bad dreams, met her at bus stop after school, volunteer at school, attended every single even no matter how tired, taught her to read in English (and in my native language), swim, ride bike, cook and many other things. I wanted to be the mother to her that I never had.
Thanks for reading. So great to have this support here and Joshua is positively our guardian angel. As we say in my country, "let not a single hair fall off his head".
This is exactly how it feels...thank you to Dr. Coleman for hearing, understanding, and so poignantly writing and sharing this essay; it is really a lifeline for me and those of us who feel so alone in this horrible loneliness. Working on radical acceptance-a bandaid on the hole in my heart that is always present. And gratitude for what I had-and what I have.
So glad that it helps, Amy
I have many friends that are also estranged but they seem to be moving forward with life. I thought there was something wrong with me cause I can't seem to move forward. I have not been out of the house in at least six months. Reading this at least lets me know I'm not alone not everyone can get past this. Thank you for posting this.
The pain is unbearable at times. Im trying not to suffer but its so hard. Your book and article's do help. Thank you
Yes pain IS unbearable, trying to learn to live with thought that I might never see my daughter again. In August but will be 6 years. She will be 23 in September. The last attempt to connect with her asking if I can watch her college graduation ceremony from "afar and without her interacting with me if she chose not to resulted in her responding that my presence there will be disrupt her celebration with her "family "[my ex and his girlfriend] and threat of "hiring an attorney" if I text her again. This is in context of my contacting her every 6 to 12 months with carefully scripted and short "checking in" texts. The odds are against me. She has mild Asperger's, gifted and is closely aligned with my ex who has worked tirelessly and cunningly to assure that image of me as an "abusive and borderline" mother is seared in my daughter's brain as a "punishment" for my asking him for a divorce. This was the price of my "freedom". I often wonder if I should have stayed with an angry and domineering man had I known what was in store for me. I should have stifled dread and despair of being "50-s wife" so I have the privilege of remaining a mom. May be this is the sacrifice needed to be made. I often , I'm sure like many of you, have urge to wail, roll on the ground or spread ashes on my head like ancient Spartan mothers whose sons have not returned. I was a good mom like all of you, sacrificed sleepless nights when she was ill, held her when she had bad dreams, met her at bus stop after school, volunteer at school, attended every single even no matter how tired, taught her to read in English (and in my native language), swim, ride bike, cook and many other things. I wanted to be the mother to her that I never had.
Thanks for reading. So great to have this support here and Joshua is positively our guardian angel. As we say in my country, "let not a single hair fall off his head".
Love and peace to you all.